


Dissent

by xxMad_Donaxx



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Body Disfigurement, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:17:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4686959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for Alrik to pay for his crimes. Set after my fic 'Caught'. You really should read that one first.</p><p>
  <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2069934/chapters/4501095">Caught</a>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dissent

Anders didn’t question my decision or my resolve. Carver was obviously unhappy with the whole situation. It didn’t take nearly as much convincing as it should have to get him to agree to go into the Gallows in the first place. All it took was that name. His cheeks flushed, his lips thinned to a tight line and his brows furrowed. He wants Alrik to pay as much as I do.

In the years since my rescue from the bowels of the Gallows I’ve watched Carver from Anders’ clinic. Talk of his accomplishments from the refugees, Anders, Aveline and the rest of the motley group he collected are a hot topic. For the most part I’m proud of my little brother. He’s made quite a name for himself. He’s as stubborn and hot-headed as ever but his heart is in the right place. I’m glad it’s him in the spotlight instead of me.

I’ve had difficultly coming to terms with everything that happened to me in Kirkwall’s circle. Carver found out about Karras and Alrik almost a year ago. It was during one of my stints in a cave on the Wounded Coast. When the Templars start sniffing around the clinic Anders always sends me out of the city. He never comes with which always puts me in a horrible mood. Carver knows where I am of course and he suspected I was hiding what really happened from the very beginning. I just couldn’t take his digging that day.

In a fantastic screaming match he found out I was Karras’ personal cock sleeve for almost two years and that Alrik had castrated me before throwing me in solitary. He was livid. I have never seen my little brother so furious. If Karras wasn’t already dead I think Carver would have gone after him immediately. I’m not sure who convinced him that murdering Alrik was a terrible idea but I’m grateful they did. As much as I want the bastard’s head on a plate he’s been too careful to hide his crimes.

Alrik can no longer be ignored however. Maker only knows how many good men and women he’s made Tranquil. What started with Karl Thekla has grown exponentially and I can’t in good conscious leave him to it anymore. I’m terrified of going back through those tunnels into the Gallows but I won’t be left behind this time. It’s long past time he paid for his crimes.

“I’m going with you,” I snarl.

Carver clenches his hands into fists and scowls at me. Behind him Varric looks uncomfortable, Aveline looks exasperated and Anders is impatient. We’re standing next to the floor grate that I was led out of years ago. I never could best my brother in a fist fight but now I think he could break me in half if he wanted to. I’ve lost so much muscle mass that I look like a scarecrow. Only one of the many things I’ve had to get used to.

Even though he could easily force me to stay behind Carver turns to Anders after a brief nod. He pulls open the passageway and I’m the last to descend. Anders leads the way and I bring up the rear. Being down here is more difficult than I thought it would be. I have nightmares of Karras. Even with all the time that’s passed every so often I still expect to be woken, tied up, hurt and used. Anders and I have been sleeping on the same cot for almost a year. It’s helped to stem the panic I feel on waking. He seems to find as much comfort from me that I do from him.

There are lyrium smugglers in the caves now. I suspect there always were but we just didn’t see any my first time through. Between the five of us we make quick work of them and continue on. The closer we get to the dungeons the more nervous I become. I’m determined however and continue on behind the others, my hands clenched into fists to hide their trembling.

That voice echo’s through an open doorway ahead and a surge of terror courses through me. I take comfort from the others around me and push stubbornly on behind them. Carver is first through followed quickly by Anders and then me. We stand there watching and listening for a few minutes. A girl is surrounded by Templars against the rock wall next to a set of stairs built onto it. I lose track of the others at his words, the implication that this young woman will be his personal fuck toy after she has that sun branded onto her forehead.

My vision turns red with rage, the terror burned away completely, and I start throwing magic at the Templars. Fire and ice, lightning and force, more spells than I can cast on my own. I reign in my anger to avoid hitting Carver, Aveline and the young girl. It doesn’t take long for the Templars to fall. The air reeks of blood and burned flesh. There is a deafening silence for a few moments, broken by the terrified cry of the girl still pressed against the rock wall.

“Stay away from me you monster!”

A little horrified I watch Anders still broken open with the Fade pouring from him, march up to her. His reply is angry. She is terrified, Carver yells and Anders raises his staff. I spring forward and wrench the staff from his grip. He whirls around to face me, expression twisted in fury, and I drop both staves to the ground. The girl scampers off, safe and unhurt. My own fate now hangs in the balance and I hold a hand out to Carver, stopping him from turning his blade on Anders.

Despite the nightmares and the feeling of inferiority I constantly struggle with I don’t want to die. Anders has been nothing but kind and sympathetic. I don’t know what the spirit of Justice he harbors thinks of me. I’m gambling that even if it hates me Anders will stop it from harming me. Tense silence fills the room broken only by Anders’ heaving breaths. I remain still and quiet, staring into the endless blue swirl of his eyes. After a few heartbeats the Fade retreats from him in a little puff of black vapor. He immediately looks stricken and takes a shaky step backwards.

“Dear Maker,” he says quietly in horror. “I just… No. I have to get out of here.”

He flees back the way we came and I suck in a relieved breath. Carver steps forward, his sword still gripped tightly, the blade stained with Templar blood. The tip drops to the ground and he grabs my shoulder in concern.

“Are you all right Lee?” he asks.

“I will serve that which is best in me,” I murmur looking around at the carnage we had wrought.

I think I understand why Anders fled and honestly I yearn to join him. This is not my best moment. It was fear driven vengeance, that which is most base. The girl is alive however.

“Please don’t send her back to the Gallows Carver,” I say softly staring at the blackened and bloody remains of the man who cut my balls off and would have broken my mind if I hadn’t been rescued.

“I won’t.”

“Thank you.” I kneel briefly and stand with a staff in each hand, feeling the weight of them and the responsibility I had ignored for the last twenty or thirty minutes. “I need to find him.”

Carver squeezes my shoulder briefly before I turn away. I start slowly back, gaining speed the further I go. I’m sprinting by the time I reach Darktown. One of the clinic doors is cracked open and I burst through it, skidding to a stop out of breath. Anders is at the back murmuring something as he goes through the chest of things he keeps. Without closing the door I drop our staves onto the nearest cot and make my way tiredly to where he kneels on the floor. I sink down in front of him. He grips the knitted scarf tightly and stares down at his lap.

“They were right,” he says softly. “I’m nothing but a monster.”

“Anders…”

“I could have killed you. And that poor girl…”

“She’s fine. Carver will send her away and she won’t have to worry about the Gallows anymore.”

“Lee…”

“Shut up Anders.” I pull him into a hug and stare at the wall over his shoulder. “I’m no better than you are.”

“You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for.”

I feel his arms around me but I can’t help the bitter bark of laughter that escapes me. “I’m not much of a man at all.”

“Lee…”

“Shut up Anders. We’re not going anywhere.”

For a wonder he did. His arms tighten around my body and that’s how Carver finds us several minutes later.

***

Several days have passed and we’re both still in Kirkwall. Carver has been scarce at my request, giving both of us time to deal with our slips into vengeance. It’s been sort of tense in the clinic but the steady flow of people that still comes through is like a salve for our souls. They might know who killed Alrik but they don’t care. We heal them and send them on their way like we have many times before. So far the Templars haven’t bothered us or Carver about his death either. It’s late and the clinic is locked up and dark. We’re pressed tightly together on the same cot, me behind him because I still can’t stand anyone that close behind me.

“What did you mean?” Anders asks quietly. “When you said you weren’t much of a man.”

“Everything that’s happened since I got here,” I say. “I was so powerless in the Gallows. Now…”

I shrug and shift uncomfortably. It still bothers me more than I let on, what Alrik did. Anders has never specifically asked me about anything that happened to me in the Gallows. I’ve always thought that was because he’d suffered just as much. I’m a little afraid he’ll pursue this line of conversation as he turns to face me but he doesn’t say anything. We’re pressed so close on the tiny cot I can feel his hand move up to my cheek. Anders smiles and strokes my cheekbone with his thumb.

“None of it makes you less…” he says softly.

“Anders…”

“It’s time for you to be quiet Lee. We are both so… damaged. I don’t know how you feel about me but… I’ve grown quite fond of you.”

For a few long minutes there was silence. I hadn’t ever thought of him like that. Who’d want me? I’ve been a Templar’s bitch for nearly two years and another took so much more from me than my ability to reproduce. I can’t sleep some days because I wake constantly feeling his hand over my mouth. I’ve never been the friendliest person but now the refugees call me the reclusive healer. That’s not taking into account the changes and difficulties I have physically and emotionally because of my loss.

“How…”

“Does it matter? We’ve broken every other rule.” Anders closes his eyes and takes a deep shuddering breath. “I want to break this one too.”

“Anders… I…”

His expression falls and it pains me to see it. I stop him from turning back around by pulling him closer. I really don’t know if this is a good idea but he’s right. We have broken every other rule, why not this one too. I tilt my head a little and press our lips together.


End file.
